Hello friend.
Sometimes I wish that my blog was still private. Not all the time, but sometimes. It's nice to rant about something and know that it isn't going to cause a problem because it shouldn't cause a problem, but you just need to say it and some people might take offense and turn it into something it's not.
Oh well. I guess that's what Whisper is for.
When I was younger and began thinking about shaving my legs, I remember my mother asking me if I was sure. She told me that once you start, you can't stop.
I now know that's not true.
I used to try so hard to conform to particular body standards, but for me it was always difficult. I'm not a particularly thin girl. I'm not thick even. I just know that I'll never look like Monica and Rachel from Friends. I can work out and diet all I want, but I have a particular body type. As long as I'm healthy and fit and comfortable, that's all that matters.
This is a relatively new body image realization for me.
However I learned the truth about leg shaving quite a long time ago.
I used to work at a sleep-away summer camp. There were lots of girls, plus the three councilors, sharing 2 showers. Showers had to be REALLY short, which basically meant that you would never really have time to shave your legs every day. Yes, you can get a rhythm and get it done pretty quickly.. But not that quickly. (I even gave up using conditioner that summer. Result: Hermione hair.) So you didn't shave your legs every day. And that was okay!
I remember finding it so strange once I got to college that girls insisted on shaving their legs every single day. It's a ridiculous routine to have to stick to and it's an even more ridiculous expectation to be set for women to live by.
So if I'm heading off to a Zumba class but I didn't shave my legs the night before, I don't torture myself with long pants to cover up my shame. There is no shame in some stubble. NONE. If it's an uncharacteristically warm day and I want to wear a pair of shorts or a skirt, I'm not going to let a bit of stubble stop me, nor will I let it force me to wear tights as an act of concealment.
A small hiatus of leg-shaving doesn't make me unclean. If it did, then the majority of men would be absolutely filthy.
Let's think about this ridiculous expectation in another way.
Not every man shaves his face every day. Some do. Either it's expected of them by their peers or their careers or the voices in their head. That's fine. But the majority of men do not set aside 10-15 minutes every day to shave. If a man has a bit of scruff, is that considered appalling, or even shameful? Of course not!
And guess what! The surface area of a man's face is likely to be less than the surface area of a woman's thigh.
I accepted this ages ago, and since then have never really strictly adhered to a "shave legs every day" routine. Until recently, I thought that I was the only one with this realization. But then I discovered this. Yes this comic isn't exactly about the legs, but if it's something that someone bothered to make a comic about, would it be relatively common (at least, more so than I originally thought)? And if it applies to that portion of the body, then wouldn't it probably apply to others as well? (I think the fact that the lyric "Sometimes I shave my legs, and sometimes I don't" even exists is proof as well.)
The point I'm making isn't that we should all live in a society where no one shaves and we all have heaps of hair coming from every part of our bodies. I just think that people shouldn't feel like slaves to a highly unrealistic expectation. People should be allowed to stick with a routine that works for them and that they are comfortable with. And if anyone should judge or shame you for these decisions, well then screw them! We make thousands of decisions about our lives and our appearance and how we emote to others every day. We can't completely cast our happiness aside in making these decisions just to please the faceless masses.
It's topics like this that really make me realize how much of a feminist I've become over the years. I've never really labeled myself as such before, but now I'm proud to.
Currently playing on my iPod: I See Fire - Ed Sheeran
Tiny break from Christmas music..
I've been in love with this song since I first heard it at the Hobbit Fan Event in Wellington. It's freaking brilliant. It perfectly captures the mood we are left with at the end of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug while still driving us to want more, to want to know what happens after you see the fire approaching, and to not want to wait a year for the third (and, sadly, final) installment. Ed Sheeran is an amazing writer. As soon as I found out he was writing the credit song, I knew that I would not be disappointed.
21 December, 2013
17 December, 2013
i'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too
Hello friend.
Probably the worst thing about living on the other side of the world is the fact that I am sure to fall out of contact with some amazing people. I don't want it to happen. I try when I can to keep conversations going. But sometimes I forget. Or sometimes they forget. And that's fine. It happens. But it still makes me quite sad.
There are some friends who won't let contact fall short. We may not be constantly in contact, but we talk often enough that it's normal for us to stay in touch. There are some other friends who are easier to keep in touch via Facebook or twitter. You tweet at them or send them a message every other week or so. But then we get to the friends who are incredibly busy and focused on the life in front of them, the life since college graduation, the life that you're not really a part of anymore. Again, that's fine. There are times when I'm entirely focused on the life that I've created for myself since moving that I kind of forget to talk to all the people who don't first contact me. And sometimes a friend will contact me, and I'll make a mental note to respond after work, or on the weekend when I can give them the response that they deserve, and then that just doesn't happen. Time gets away from me. I like to think that when I contact a friend and don't hear back from them, it's not out of malice or resentment, but instead out of good intentions and human error.
My friends who know me well will know that I do not have a high texting stamina. I'm not one to just sit and text someone for hours. I can't hold a conversation like that for ages. Skype, yes. Face to face, yes. Phone call, most of the time. Texting, nope. One of my senior year roommates conditioned me to be a bit better at it. I really need to thank her for that because it's seriously the only way I keep in touch with some people. Texting is far more convenient than scheduling a Skype call. I can text a bit during the day at work, or while grocery shopping or cleaning the flat. The time when I would be available for a Skype call are later in the evening when most of my friends on the East Coast would be asleep. Again, no one's fault. That's just the way it is.
I wish that there was a middle ground. A way to live here and have these wonderful experiences and these new friends, but to still always have time for my friends back home. I make time as often as I can. I want my friends back home to know how important they are to me. I just wish that it was easier. I guess it is pretty easy now considering Facebook, Skype and iMessage, at least much easier than it was when letters were the main method of communication. In those days, someone moved across the world, across the country even, and that was that.
My friends are all over-achievers and are all living wonderfully fulfilling and enriching lives. I'd like for them to continue. I'd just like to remain a part of them.
Currently playing on my iPod: Vince Guaraldi - A Charlie Brown Christmas
It's still Christmas time, and this album is still perfect.
Probably the worst thing about living on the other side of the world is the fact that I am sure to fall out of contact with some amazing people. I don't want it to happen. I try when I can to keep conversations going. But sometimes I forget. Or sometimes they forget. And that's fine. It happens. But it still makes me quite sad.
There are some friends who won't let contact fall short. We may not be constantly in contact, but we talk often enough that it's normal for us to stay in touch. There are some other friends who are easier to keep in touch via Facebook or twitter. You tweet at them or send them a message every other week or so. But then we get to the friends who are incredibly busy and focused on the life in front of them, the life since college graduation, the life that you're not really a part of anymore. Again, that's fine. There are times when I'm entirely focused on the life that I've created for myself since moving that I kind of forget to talk to all the people who don't first contact me. And sometimes a friend will contact me, and I'll make a mental note to respond after work, or on the weekend when I can give them the response that they deserve, and then that just doesn't happen. Time gets away from me. I like to think that when I contact a friend and don't hear back from them, it's not out of malice or resentment, but instead out of good intentions and human error.
My friends who know me well will know that I do not have a high texting stamina. I'm not one to just sit and text someone for hours. I can't hold a conversation like that for ages. Skype, yes. Face to face, yes. Phone call, most of the time. Texting, nope. One of my senior year roommates conditioned me to be a bit better at it. I really need to thank her for that because it's seriously the only way I keep in touch with some people. Texting is far more convenient than scheduling a Skype call. I can text a bit during the day at work, or while grocery shopping or cleaning the flat. The time when I would be available for a Skype call are later in the evening when most of my friends on the East Coast would be asleep. Again, no one's fault. That's just the way it is.
I wish that there was a middle ground. A way to live here and have these wonderful experiences and these new friends, but to still always have time for my friends back home. I make time as often as I can. I want my friends back home to know how important they are to me. I just wish that it was easier. I guess it is pretty easy now considering Facebook, Skype and iMessage, at least much easier than it was when letters were the main method of communication. In those days, someone moved across the world, across the country even, and that was that.
My friends are all over-achievers and are all living wonderfully fulfilling and enriching lives. I'd like for them to continue. I'd just like to remain a part of them.
Currently playing on my iPod: Vince Guaraldi - A Charlie Brown Christmas
It's still Christmas time, and this album is still perfect.
14 December, 2013
why is my reflection someone i don't know?
Hello friend.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Mostly because I've been making plans that coincide with my birthday and I've realized that I don't actually feel my age. When I tell someone that I'm twenty-three, it feels like I'm lying. The fact that I'll soon we turning twenty-four seems impossible. Where did the time go?
But I've relearned some things about myself, and I've come to accept things that I never would have admitted ages and ages ago.
First of all, I think that I might actually be an introvert. My close friends will all look at this and think, "Yeah right, Sara! Stop lying to us now!" Seriously though, I think that I may actually be an introvert. I've read a lot of the common misconceptions of introverts (while needing a break from work), and those kinds of articles have shed a lot of light on me as a person. I mean, I like to try and make new friends, but I'm constantly calculating my sentences and evaluating how I might be coming across. I prefer a glass of wine with friends (or a partner) over dancing at a club. I am completely comfortable with people that I know and trust. When someone new comes along, I stumble and stutter if I try to act the way I do around my friends. I take a considerable amount of time to feel close and comfortable with people, especially people with very large personalities.
But that's not the point of this blog post. The point of this blog post is second of all.
Second of all, I think that I actually am emotionally affected by having my period. I'm not sure if this is a thing that has always been the case. I don't remember getting exceptionally bitchy or sensitive while having my period in the past. I may have whined a bit about the pain before I went back on birth control, and I may have requested extra cuddles from friends and significant others. But I have zero recollection of any kind of emotional change. It's recently been pointed out to me, both by my partner and by the internal monologue that is constantly going on in my head, that I can't deny the facts any longer.
Now I don't get weepy, I don't get bitchy, I don't get depressed. I just experience emotions in extremes. I get incredibly happy about good things. I get angry when the smallest things go out of balance at work. Most importantly, I react to things with a heighten sense of sensitivity. Things frustrate me quickly and immensely. Things affect me more than they should. And in a way, that's not all bad. It helps me realize why I do things. Sometimes bringing my emotions to extremes and really making me analyze how things are making me feel and why they have that affect on me can help me cope and help me heal.
On my music channel on YouTube I've gotten tons of comments and messages about one particular video. People want to learn to play a song the way I play it. It's very nice. Lately commenters have been asking for a tutorial, so I thought that I'd make one.
Now this tutorial was incredibly in depth. It required three different camera angels, chord diagrams and finger-picking diagrams. Place that on top of the fact that I haven't really uploaded very much in the past year and a half or so, and you've got a situation that most people who are mediocre with editing software would find over-whelming. Now place me, an emotional menstruating woman, into that exact situation.
It wasn't pretty.
I got so frustrated with the simplest of things. Lighting, camera angles, video quality, syncing videos, sizing videos, etc. Seriously it was bad. It was a difficult project, and probably not the best project to be the first thing that I did on YouTube for over four months.
Now this whole debacle got me thinking, in my compromised state of course, as to why I don't unload often anymore. I came to the conclusion that I didn't really find the process fun anymore.
When I used to upload videos regularly, I wasn't just making them for me. I was making them for my friends. I had a decently sized friend base that I had met through YouTube and we all uploaded regularly, some of us to a collab channel, and it was nice knowing who my content went out to. Unfortunately, most of these wonderful people aren't very active among YouTube anymore. We still keep in touch via Facebook and twitter, but I don't make them videos any more and they don't make videos for me.
Now know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The ladies who I grew quite close with through YouTube have all moved on to do amazing things. I'm quite proud of them.
But I didn't really feel like I had that YouTube support any more. The YouTube community all of a sudden seemed very large and I very small, which of course it is, but when you've got some friends it always feels better.
I've recently realized that I can't let this stop me from doing something that I ultimately enjoy doing (three weeks a month). I've also recently realized that I do have some lovely friends who are quite active and incredibly supportive in the world of YouTube.
Part of living in the capital of a small country is getting to meet people with similar interests as you. within the last month and a half, I've met a large number of people involved in the New Zealand YouTube Community. They are a fabulous supportive bunch, and I think because New Zealand is so small, we all band together. It makes YouTube feel the way it did 3 years ago and it makes me feel like I want to post content for my friends.
A lot of people talk about making videos because they enjoy it, and that's it. That's great and all, but to me it's so much more. To me, it's about sharing me. Videos are a gift that I can give to my friends. They are about putting effort into something for someone else and being happy with the product and happy to share with people who matter. If I have fun doing it in the process, then that's even better.
Currently playing on my iPod: Vince Guaraldi - A Charlie Brown Christmas
In my mind, there is no better Christmas album than this. It's perfect, it's relaxing, it's inspiring. Everything that music should be.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Mostly because I've been making plans that coincide with my birthday and I've realized that I don't actually feel my age. When I tell someone that I'm twenty-three, it feels like I'm lying. The fact that I'll soon we turning twenty-four seems impossible. Where did the time go?
But I've relearned some things about myself, and I've come to accept things that I never would have admitted ages and ages ago.
First of all, I think that I might actually be an introvert. My close friends will all look at this and think, "Yeah right, Sara! Stop lying to us now!" Seriously though, I think that I may actually be an introvert. I've read a lot of the common misconceptions of introverts (while needing a break from work), and those kinds of articles have shed a lot of light on me as a person. I mean, I like to try and make new friends, but I'm constantly calculating my sentences and evaluating how I might be coming across. I prefer a glass of wine with friends (or a partner) over dancing at a club. I am completely comfortable with people that I know and trust. When someone new comes along, I stumble and stutter if I try to act the way I do around my friends. I take a considerable amount of time to feel close and comfortable with people, especially people with very large personalities.
But that's not the point of this blog post. The point of this blog post is second of all.
Second of all, I think that I actually am emotionally affected by having my period. I'm not sure if this is a thing that has always been the case. I don't remember getting exceptionally bitchy or sensitive while having my period in the past. I may have whined a bit about the pain before I went back on birth control, and I may have requested extra cuddles from friends and significant others. But I have zero recollection of any kind of emotional change. It's recently been pointed out to me, both by my partner and by the internal monologue that is constantly going on in my head, that I can't deny the facts any longer.
Now I don't get weepy, I don't get bitchy, I don't get depressed. I just experience emotions in extremes. I get incredibly happy about good things. I get angry when the smallest things go out of balance at work. Most importantly, I react to things with a heighten sense of sensitivity. Things frustrate me quickly and immensely. Things affect me more than they should. And in a way, that's not all bad. It helps me realize why I do things. Sometimes bringing my emotions to extremes and really making me analyze how things are making me feel and why they have that affect on me can help me cope and help me heal.
On my music channel on YouTube I've gotten tons of comments and messages about one particular video. People want to learn to play a song the way I play it. It's very nice. Lately commenters have been asking for a tutorial, so I thought that I'd make one.
Now this tutorial was incredibly in depth. It required three different camera angels, chord diagrams and finger-picking diagrams. Place that on top of the fact that I haven't really uploaded very much in the past year and a half or so, and you've got a situation that most people who are mediocre with editing software would find over-whelming. Now place me, an emotional menstruating woman, into that exact situation.
It wasn't pretty.
I got so frustrated with the simplest of things. Lighting, camera angles, video quality, syncing videos, sizing videos, etc. Seriously it was bad. It was a difficult project, and probably not the best project to be the first thing that I did on YouTube for over four months.
Now this whole debacle got me thinking, in my compromised state of course, as to why I don't unload often anymore. I came to the conclusion that I didn't really find the process fun anymore.
When I used to upload videos regularly, I wasn't just making them for me. I was making them for my friends. I had a decently sized friend base that I had met through YouTube and we all uploaded regularly, some of us to a collab channel, and it was nice knowing who my content went out to. Unfortunately, most of these wonderful people aren't very active among YouTube anymore. We still keep in touch via Facebook and twitter, but I don't make them videos any more and they don't make videos for me.
Now know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The ladies who I grew quite close with through YouTube have all moved on to do amazing things. I'm quite proud of them.
But I didn't really feel like I had that YouTube support any more. The YouTube community all of a sudden seemed very large and I very small, which of course it is, but when you've got some friends it always feels better.
I've recently realized that I can't let this stop me from doing something that I ultimately enjoy doing (three weeks a month). I've also recently realized that I do have some lovely friends who are quite active and incredibly supportive in the world of YouTube.
Part of living in the capital of a small country is getting to meet people with similar interests as you. within the last month and a half, I've met a large number of people involved in the New Zealand YouTube Community. They are a fabulous supportive bunch, and I think because New Zealand is so small, we all band together. It makes YouTube feel the way it did 3 years ago and it makes me feel like I want to post content for my friends.
A lot of people talk about making videos because they enjoy it, and that's it. That's great and all, but to me it's so much more. To me, it's about sharing me. Videos are a gift that I can give to my friends. They are about putting effort into something for someone else and being happy with the product and happy to share with people who matter. If I have fun doing it in the process, then that's even better.
Currently playing on my iPod: Vince Guaraldi - A Charlie Brown Christmas
In my mind, there is no better Christmas album than this. It's perfect, it's relaxing, it's inspiring. Everything that music should be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)