what would i do without my cell phone?

Hello friend.
I would really appreciate it if you'll read this and not look away to glance at your cell phone for a moment. It would be nice.

I would like to start off by saying that I do not own an iPhone. This was my personal choice. I love touch screen phones but I also love to have one that registers tactile touch. I keep my nails relatively long and text with them. I feel that it increases my precision.
Anyways..

I feel like people value IRL relationships less and less as of late. Thanks to technology, smart phones specifically in this case, we have the ability to be connected to the internet 24 hours per day. We can skype from the car and we can stalk the facebook feed while in class. Granted, this can potentially be useful. We can look up directions if we get lost or we can send an important business email. But if you ask me, it's gotten to the point where this is just ridiculous.
Now, I will be the first to admit that I am helplessly addicted to the internet. Between my YouTube channels, my secret blog, my Twitter account, my DailyBooth account, and Skype, I am pretty much always connected. But I still crave real human interaction. I love to spend time with my friends. I love to talk to someone over a meal or coffee. I love hugs and friendly physical contact.
But I feel like people are opting out of IRL connections and are moving more towards a life lived entirely online.

Earlier today I was at a meal with Courtney, Kelsey and Britteny. Britteny recently got the new iPhone 4, Kelsey has had an iPhone for about a year now, and Courtney got an iPhone in March. Now I would like for you to remember that I chose to not have an iPhone. For an entire hour, the only conversation that was had was about iPhone apps, themes, etc. And that's only when there was conversation! At one point, Courtney was on tumblr, Kelsey was showing Courtney her new iPhone theme, and Britteny was on facebook. I sat and picked at my lunch, silently.
Is this what time spent with people is going to become? Are we going to completely forget how to be social creatures except through social networking sites?

The main reason why this bothers me is because I have friends who I would give up anything just to spend one day with them, in person. George is a bit obvious, as we have become best friends without ever being able to hug or shake hands even. But also Nicole and Michael. I haven't seen either of them since around my birthday and I miss them terribly. Yes I can IM them or text them, but it's not the same as actually being with them and spending time together. And I know that all three of these people want to spend time, physically, with me. Unfortunately, we just aren't able to do so. Yet here are three other people who I get to have that physical real life interaction with, and they don't actually want to. They'd rather be on their iPhones connected to some online society. Again, I love online societies. What do you think Nerdfighteria is? But there is still a real life component. Gatherings, meetings, VidCon. If you ask me, it's the real life connections that make something like Nerdfighteria so incredibly wonderful.

We, as humans, are social creatures. We're not meant to do absolutely everything through some kind of virtual network. Look at how well it turned out in Wall-E!

she's so lucky

Hello friend.
So every year my school puts on a Relay For Life. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a way to raise awareness of cancer and and funds to go towards cancer research. It usually lasts two days and goes through the night. There are "teams" who are trying to raise money and they're all located inside a large track. I say "teams" because they aren't competing. They're coming together. Around the track are signs with facts about cancer as well as candles dedicated to people who have battled/are battling cancer. Each "team" needs to have someone walking around the track at all times, including throughout the night to signify how cancer never sleeps.
My family is really involved in Relays back home because my father is a cancer survivor. He was diagnosed when I was a sophomore in high school and has been cancer free for five years. It really brought my family together and we spread the story when we can. Relay is one of those places.
I wasn't really involved in this one but I went and walked a few laps and watched some of the performances. I'm sure I'll take part in a bunch this summer since my family loves getting involved in them.
Going to Relay just made me think about how lucky I am to have my dad. He really is my role model and thinking back, I don't know what I would have done had I lost him. He's always been my superhero, but now he is even more so.
I guess there's really no way to say how I feel about him or how happy I am that he's still present in my life. I guess part of the reason that I feel so grateful is because by being so involved with Relay, I've met people haven't been so lucky and have lost their loved ones.
I really am lucky.

Currently playing on my iPod: I Think Ur a Contra - Vampire Weekend
This song is so stuck in my head it's ridiculous. But it's such a beautiful song, and I'm going to teach myself how to play it on guitar so I can cover it.

these magic changes

Hello friend.
So I've been thinking lately.
I love posting on YouTube. I'd like to continue doing so for a while. Unfortunately, when I created my YouTube account, I was so incredibly uncreative and I used my ID for school. I didn't think to create a new account when I started vlogging, and I've been beating myself up over it.
So I'm starting a new channel. One that I will really be active on. I already have a music channel which I will begin using for my music (go figure) and my new channel will be just vlogging. I'll keep my old channel around for those videos because I do love seeing how far I've come with vlogging since October when I started.
I'm a bit nervous about the transition though. I feel like it's so difficult to get people to subscribe to a second channel. Hopefully if I stress that this will become my main channel then most of my current 54 subscribers will also subscribe to it.
I just feel like when it comes to vlogging, you want to have a unique and memorable channel name. I currently don't, and it's been bugging me so much.
Besides, I might as well make the change now when I only have 54 subscribers rather than wait until I have a more substantial viewer base and have to tear them away from what they're used to.
Gosh, I really hope it's widely accepted. Luckily I've been making enough of a name for myself on YouTube that I don't think it should be too much of a problem. There's also always the ning.
I really think this change will be worth it in the future. Any ideas or advice? I'd really greatly appreciate it.
The new channel by the way is SaradactylMichelle and my music channel is SaraMichelleMusic.
Gosh I'm nervous about this. I really hope it works out well.

Currently playing on my iPod: Vampire Weekend
I don't know what to say other than they are wonderful. Such a different sound than most of what's out there right now. When one of their songs comes on you know it's them, but not because all of their songs sound the same. All of their songs sound different. Fantastic and Beautiful.

this could be danger

Hello friend.
I am so tired, despite a full eight hours of sleep last night.
When Kevin walked into History this morning I told him I got a full night's sleep and he responded with, "So about four hours?" When I told I actually got eight hours of sleep he looked at me and said "I don't hear those kinds of numbers from you except during summer and winter breaks!" Sadly, he's right. I usually get around four hours of sleep per night, maybe up to five or six.

I was thinking about George a lot today. When I told him this he responded with, "I was thinking about you all day!"
I was also thinking about Paul today. We haven't talked in a while. I kind of imagine in my head that I'll be walking somewhere and he'll be with his friends and he'll see me and point me out and say that we haven't talked in a while and they would say something to the effect of, "What's your problem? Go up to her and talk to her now!" Granted, the day dream is a lot more vivid and detailed than I just made it out to be, but I am really tired and I can't really process emotions at the moment, not to mention think about them without going absolutely insane.

We ended up winning that basketball game. There were riots afterwards because UConn kids are dumb and animals and like to break stuff. They flipped a few cars, set some fires, broke all the lamp posts near one of the dorms on campus, and other stupid stuff. Yes, I'm happy that we won, but is the riot really necessary? No! It also bothers me that these people don't realize that the money to replace everything that was broken will come out of our tuition and will only force the university to raise it even more!

Currently playing on my iPod: 30 Seconds to Mars
If you like an album that encompasses a wide array of musical sounds and styles, then I would suggest listening to This Is War. The songs are so easy to get into, but they still keep you on your toes.

i'm miles away

Hello friend.
Today has been an absolutely awful day. I slept for an hour, only because I knew that I needed some amount of sleep. I then woke up and continued to study for my exam. The exam didn't feel too hard. But it was. I learned this when the grades were posted. I guess I'll just have to ace the final.
I fell asleep in chemistry lecture, went to work and tutored, then went to No Witness.
No Witness actually went amazingly well.
But I can't go into detail about that right now. I'm far too tired and am seeing double as I try to type this out before midnight.
I promise I'll have a blog with actual content tomorrow. I also promise it'll be more eloquently written. Apparently my writing suffers when I'm this tired.

Currently playing on my iPod: In His Eyes - Jekyll and Hyde
Beautiful show, beautiful music. I can relate to this song more than I would usually care to admit.
More on that another time.

you all ready for this?

Hello friend.
This is going to be a very short post because I have an exam to study for. Biology of the Brain. Interesting, but the PNB departments makes the class so much harder than it needs to be.
My school is currently playing in the championship game in March Madness. I haven't really been following until recently because we always make it to the final four. Our women lost last night which was pretty surprising. A lot of people were pretty bummed out today. I don't quite get it. It's a sports team. These people who you idolize are just regular students like yourself. Yes, they are amazing basketball players, but does them winning or losing affect you so much so that you feel the need to cause a riot after the game? (Just to clarify, riots occur both after we win and lose. People can't cope with failure. People get high off of success.)
I think that people get crazy when it comes to things like Final Four or the Super Bowl. I think it's because I didn't grow up with getting excited about basketball or football. My dad and grandfather brought me up playing and watching baseball. When people get crazy into a baseball game or the World Series, I find that perfectly normal. But when people are screaming out of their dorm room windows every time we get a basket, that just seems so foreign to me.
I should mention that as I am writing this, I'm also watching the game on mute. (I can't handle the squeaking of their sneakers as they run across the floor.) I'm learning a lot about the game. People fall a lot. And the game is very fast-paced. It's enjoyable, I must admit. And I hope we win. I am proud to be a Husky, even if I don't always follow the games and show it.
If you feel a little gypped with such a short blog, by all means I encourage you to enjoy the video that I posted for VEDA today. It's also pretty short, but with this exam, it's really all I could do. Same with this. Oh well. Enjoy.
Go Huskies! Hm, maybe I'll follow more next year. It will be my last year as a Husky, after all.

i'm wasting my days, i throw them away

Hello friend.
So I should not be blogging right now. I have so much to do.

The last performance of All in the Timing went pretty well, but I don't think we made back all the money that we spent on it. It's kind of sad because it was such a great show and we all put so much work into it. Oh well. I guess it happens some times.
After rehearsal I had time to grab some lunch and then had to go straight to A Very Potter Musical rehearsal. We're putting up the opening number as part of a variety show and I'm Hermione. It's super fun, but at this point, it's just another thing to be stressed out about.
And then there's No Witness. Why do I take on so much? No Witness is a short show that's being put on by the Women's Center on campus. It's a trial of a rape case meant to challenge the audience's views of rape. Twelve members of the audience will be selected as jurors and they decide on the verdict after we give them the case. It's a pretty interesting show, but in all honesty it's also extremely disturbing. I'm playing the defense attorney, so I'm probably the most hated character in the show, apart from the accused. Again, it's a fun experience getting ready for the show and I'm really happy to be a part of it, but it's just  more lines to memorize and less time spent studying for my exam on Tuesday in my Physiology and Neurobiology course. (This class may kill me. Or at least, my GPA.)

I also should have studied more last night, but instead after the show, Eliza and I decided to watch both Tangled and How to Train Your Dragon. She had never seen How to Train Your Dragon which is a crime in my mine (even though the first time I ever saw it was about three weeks ago) and I had never seen Tangled. Both of these movies are phenomenal and I would readily suggest either of them if you ever need a good animated adorable movie.

So here I am, in the Student Union, unable to study any more. I have rehearsal for No Witness in fifteen minutes for two hours. Then I get to go to my room, attempt to get a short VLog in before midnight, and continue studying.
There are times when I wish I didn't go to college. Where I wish I could just travel the world or go into a profession that didn't require so much school. Then I realize how much I love learning. The only classes that really make me feel like this are the ones where I feel like I'm not actually getting anything out of them. The classes that I need to take rather than the ones I want to take. I also think about how I wouldn't be able to be in the real world just yet. College is cushy, despite what you may hear. Yeah, we're all broke college students, but we aren't paying rent, we don't have too hard of a time finding a job on campus, and we have the ability to take relatively light course loads. I'm going to be graduating in just over a year, and that thought terrifies me. It's not even like I'm going directly into the real world. I'm just going to graduate school. But I'm still really uneasy about leaving undergrad.
It's not like when I left high school. I was ready to leave high school half way through my sophomore year. Half way through my sophomore year of college, I couldn't believe that I was half-way finished with my degree.
Speaking of, I really need to schedule my GRE's for this summer. I also need to keep in mind to take them when George wont be at my house. I don't want to be freaking out studying while he's here, and I definitely don't want to ditch him for a day while I go take the test.

I can't wait until he gets here. I can't stop thinking about how amazing this summer is going to be and how much I'm looking forward to it. The thing that makes it worse is that I know he feels the exact same way. He imed me right when he woke up this morning saying that he's been missing me and it was exceptionally strong this morning. I told him that I had a dream about going to New Zealand to see him. I kind of love this kid and I have no idea what to expect this summer, though I do know it'll be fantastic and unforgettable.


Currently playing on my iPod: All Time Low
I needed to listen to music that I don't know all the words for when studying. All Time Low wont do for much longer, unfortunately. I either listen to them a lot, or I study a lot. Or both.

i see friends shaking hands

Hello friend.
So I didn't mention in my blog on April 1st that I want to try to do BEDA (Blog Every Day in April) this year. I just want to be in the habit of writing in here more often. Or writing in general more often.
I'm also going to be attempting VEDA (replace Blog with Vlog) however I'm making a small adjustment. I'm a member of a collab channel called allmadeofawesome and I post every Friday. I'm going to use those videos to count for my friday videos during VEDA because I know that I wont be able to post twice on those days. Thursdays are going to be difficult as it is just because they are so busy for me. I'm not sure how well I'll do, but I figured I might as well make an attempt.

How wonderful it is to have a best friend. One whom you can speak to about absolutely anything. One that will always make time for you and reminds you that they want to spend time with you. One like my friend Dave.
Dave and I met the beginning of our sophomore year in college. He had just gone through a pretty bad break-up. I was in the middle of one with the guy who messed me up pretty badly regarding my views of trust and closeness in relationships. We became fast friends. Second semester of sophomore year when we were both single, we kind of liked each other however neither of us were ready for a relationship after what we had gone through, so we just helped each other through it.
I should probably mention that we met through church. I should also mention that all of the other student members of this church are extremely conservative. They are completely against drinking and can be pretty uptight regarding church traditions (which I am not, but that's a long debate that I have at pretty much every Bible Study and I really don't feel like going into it at the moment). I don't really care if they don't want to drink. Everyone gets to choose what's best for them, like how I've chosen not to have sex untill marriage. But they don't share that same outlook. They tend to judge. Since Dave and I will occasionally go out to a party and drink, we get judged. This only adds to how we understand each other so well.
Dave and I got together to talk today over coffee. He could tell immediately that I haven't been happy this week. I told him he was right, but that's really all I could say. When you feel depressed, you can't really explain why. It's just there, and it sucks. It also doesn't help that I haven't been getting any sleep.
Dave has a talent. He can always make me feel better. He compliments me, and really means it. He abolishes the doubts that I have in myself and I can tell he's telling the truth because I know he once felt what he's saying. Like when he says that I'm beautiful, I know he wanted to tell me this when we liked each other over a year ago. He is also marvelous at getting me to laugh. He knows exactly how to lighten the mood of any conversation, or he knows just what stories to tell.
It really is a blessing to have a friend like that. This is the same friend who forced me out of bed and to go for a walk the day after I put my dog and best friend down. He really does care, and it's such a nice feeling. It's comforting to know that someone is there to catch me if I fall, and if he can't catch me he'll surely help me back up.

I thought I would get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. I guess not.
The second weekend of "All in the Timing" starts tomorrow. (Have I mentioned yet that I'm involved in amateur theatre?) Honestly, I'm excited for this show to be over. I've had loads of fun with it, but I just don't have time for it anymore. My schedule is going to lighten immensely about half-way through next week. I can't wait.

Currently playing on my iPod: Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
My baby brother just sent me a beautiful arrangement of this song mashed with I'm Yours by Jason Mraz and Don't Worry by Bobby McFerrin. It's absolutely beautiful. I would suggest you check it out.

we've got bigger plans tonight

Hi Friend.
Someone just threw a snow/slush ball at my window. This doesn't really surprise me as my room is one of the few rooms with a light still on at three in the morning. My friend Zack who lives upstairs likes to throw snow at our window. He actually broke the screen once.
But I looked outside to see who had done it, and saw no one. I was expecting to see Zack. I was hoping to see Paul.
I'm such a hopeless romantic sometimes. I make up these crazy adorable scenarios and conversations in my head. This is part of the reason why I love to write. All those adorable moments that I long for wont go to waste and at least a character can experience them. Better than nothing, right? I guess it's silly.
Speaking of writing, I was thinking today of possibly doing Nanowrimo this year. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's National Novel Writing Month. Every November, thousands of people try to write a book in one month. It's difficult to do as a college student since it's right before exams, but part of me really wants to try. Maybe it's the fire I need to actually continue with a story and not abandon it.
I tend to abandon stories that I start. Either because they depress me (usually due to content and who the characters are based off of) or because I'm so happy with what I already have, I don't want to ruin it with anything less than perfect. But like I said, maybe I can kick that habit. I hope I can kick that habit. I'd love to write.
I don't talk about how much I love to write and how badly I want to write a novel with my friends, for multiple reasons. My friends know I used to be really into writing poetry. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I was really good. When I get home I can post some of my old stuff on here. I really am proud of all of it. But also, my roommate is determined to be a novelist. Though, to be honest, her stories are lame in my opinion. Her characters are so young and naive, like her. The plots are so underdeveloped and far-fetched. She thinks she's better than she is. In fact, none of us ever want to hear about her stories, but she forces us to listen. I just don't want to do that. I'd rather keep my desires to write to myself rather than think that everyone is so supportive when really they couldn't care less. Don't get me wrong. I try to be supportive of her, but I can't listen to her talk about these characters and their fifth-grade-like-crushes. It's just so dull. Especially when she decides that she's going to read you a chapter.
Again with the sounding like a terrible person.

I should be tired right now. I've been awake since eight in the morning. Almost 20 hours.
That is the biggest problem with my DSPS. I can be running on very little sleep, or have been going all day, and still not get tired until three or four in the morning. I don't really get the opportunity to catch up on sleep except during weekends when I can kind of sleep in. Unfortunately, I can't spend this whole weekend sleeping. I have a show on both Saturday and Sunday as well as a huge exam on Tuesday to study for.
I might as well try for a few hours of sleep tonight. I'll just have to nap tomorrow afternoon.

Currently playing on my iPod: Hey Kristina - All Caps
Like I said in my earlier post, I've been listening to them all day. This song is beautiful and quickly became a part of another one of my crazy romantic scenarios.

i'm only sleeping

Hi friend. I'm not a morning person. I guess that goes without saying after mentioning that I have a sleep disorder.
I have something known as Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. It's pretty much just a permanent jetlag. It's more annoying than dabilitating, but I get by. While most people in the world get tired around midnight in their respective time zone, I don't get tired until about three or four am. Since I don't get tired until later, my body also isn't ready to wake up until later. It's difficult because I don't live on a socially acceptable schedule. I try to schedule work and classes around it, and while that may be easy in college, I know I won't be able to do that my entire life. Lucky for me, highschool wasn't very lenient as far as scheduling was concerned so I've. Learned how to function on minimal amounts of sleep already.
Time for class. Biology of the brain. Hopfully the coffee I drank this morning will keep me awake and focussed.

Currently playing on my iPod: World of Warcraft Ruined My Life - All Caps
I recently purchased their album Bmin/E. It's absolutely amazing. After all, it must be if it tore me away from The Wallflowers.