Hello friend.
I want to alleviate these ridiculous concerns of yours that everyone who is religious is crazy. As a Christian, I am insulted by such notions, however I see them advertised fairly regularly.
Religious people don't want women to have access to birth control. Religious people believe that abortion is a sin. Religious people don't want equality for members of the LGBTQ community. Religious people always feel the need to force their religious beliefs on those around them.
Bullshit.
Granted, there is evidence that some religious people think these things. Just take a look at the Westboro Baptist Church. They've really made a bad name for people who identify as followers of Christ.
One thing that needs to be understood is that the Westboro Baptist Church and the people who think similarly are a minority within the Christian community.
(I like to think that the same can be said for all religious communities, but I don't know for sure as I am not part of any other religious communities.)
The Christian religion is evolving. Young people who grew up with church and religion are taking a stand. And people are listening! It's a slow transformation, but it's happening. Evolution takes time.
Christian picketers of all ages peacefully stood against the Westboro Baptist Church at their appearance at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. A strong, intelligent, feminist, Christian woman who I am honored to call my friend was one of them. Her name is Lizzie, and you can read about her positive experience here.
This graduation season, Immaculate Heart High School, a Catholic all-girls institution located in Los Angeles, allowed a transgender student to graduate and walk under his preferred name and gender identity!
Furthermore, a lesbian transgender woman was asked to give the commencement speech at the Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C.! Read more here. (And do yourself a favor by staying away from the comments. They are the voices of the minority.)
A very good friend of mine who is studying to become an ordained minister within the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America recently removed all mention of gender from his wedding ceremony. Furthermore, he and his partner have decided to use both of their last names in their life together. His name is Brett and you can read some of his open-minded, kind and inspirational thoughts here.
Change is happening. I know that it is difficult to see sometimes, but it is there. Do not let the minority who are screaming at the top of their lungs fog your vision. Do not let the minority convince you that they are the majority! Do not let them put ideas into your head that this is a case of Basic Human Rights v. Religion!
The fight is not against religion. The fight is against ignorance and the desire to stay ignorant!
Progress is happening within the Christian community, and this progress is the reason why the minority is screaming. The more progress we make on all levels, the more the minority will insist on saying otherwise, and the louder they will say it. The more they see people straying away from the dated values that they grew up with, the more they will try to force their religion down your throat. There will always be people screaming to be heard in a last-ditch attempt to save their morals from extinction, but someday we wont be listening anymore.
Someday we will recognize those screams for what they are: a plea from the minority asking for someone to join in their ignorance.
Not a whole religion looking to condemn a whole community.
That is never what it was, that is not what it is, and that is never what it will be.
09 July, 2014
03 July, 2014
just pull the trigger
Hello friend.
When I was writing two days ago I thought about including some trigger warnings at the beginning of the post. When I actually started to think about what potential trigger warnings to be, I realized just how much society tries to convince women that their bodies are wrong, insulting, provoking, etc. and I started to feel both angry and disgusted, mostly because even I had fallen victim to it. Even I was convinced that my talking about the natural processes that my body goes through could be considered offensive to some.
Seriously, what could I have put down as trigger warnings?
I didn't even mention the words "blood" or "vagina" simply because I didn't need to. They would not have added anything to my post that is not already there. But if I had, would those have needed to become trigger warnings? What kind of world do we live in where someone needs to be warned of the usage of the word "vagina?" Furthermore, what kind of world do we live in where someone would choose to not read something because the word "vagina" is present?
Look at some of the male equivalents to the potential trigger warnings above.
These words are seen so much more regularly in every form of media than the previous list. They're so common that they would never be considered trigger words for a second.
The female equivalents need to be just as common. They need to elicit the same baseline response. Until that is the case, women will continually feel like they are in the wrong just for being women. Women will continually feel like their bodies are naturally offensive to others. Women will continually feel like they need to apologize for being women.
I am so glad that I didn't include trigger warnings on my previous post, because that would only be feeding the culture that I think we need to abolish.
And if, by chance, you were offended by my lack of trigger words, I challenge you to have a long think about what trigger words you would have liked to see, and why. Don't just say "Because it's gross" or "Because I don't need to read that." And if you say something like "Because I know nothing about that topic," then maybe it's time for you to educate yourself on half of the human population.
When I was writing two days ago I thought about including some trigger warnings at the beginning of the post. When I actually started to think about what potential trigger warnings to be, I realized just how much society tries to convince women that their bodies are wrong, insulting, provoking, etc. and I started to feel both angry and disgusted, mostly because even I had fallen victim to it. Even I was convinced that my talking about the natural processes that my body goes through could be considered offensive to some.
Seriously, what could I have put down as trigger warnings?
- Female reproduction system
- Female biology
- Period
- Menstrual cramps
- Flow
- Birth Control
- Pregnancy
I didn't even mention the words "blood" or "vagina" simply because I didn't need to. They would not have added anything to my post that is not already there. But if I had, would those have needed to become trigger warnings? What kind of world do we live in where someone needs to be warned of the usage of the word "vagina?" Furthermore, what kind of world do we live in where someone would choose to not read something because the word "vagina" is present?
Look at some of the male equivalents to the potential trigger warnings above.
- Penis
- Erection
- Ejaculation
- Semen
- Condom
These words are seen so much more regularly in every form of media than the previous list. They're so common that they would never be considered trigger words for a second.
The female equivalents need to be just as common. They need to elicit the same baseline response. Until that is the case, women will continually feel like they are in the wrong just for being women. Women will continually feel like their bodies are naturally offensive to others. Women will continually feel like they need to apologize for being women.
I am so glad that I didn't include trigger warnings on my previous post, because that would only be feeding the culture that I think we need to abolish.
And if, by chance, you were offended by my lack of trigger words, I challenge you to have a long think about what trigger words you would have liked to see, and why. Don't just say "Because it's gross" or "Because I don't need to read that." And if you say something like "Because I know nothing about that topic," then maybe it's time for you to educate yourself on half of the human population.
01 July, 2014
instead of makin' me better
Hello friend.
Let me tell you a story.
When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I got my period for the first time. It was pretty shitty. I mean, at that age you haven't really been told anything about your body growing up and maturing and "becoming a woman." In fact, that was two years before my school taught us anything about sexual education and development.
What most women know is that when you first get your period, it's kind of irregular and strange. It's not the typical 'about a week long' once a month. Sometimes you get it once and then you don't get it again for a few months, or even a year.
By the time I was 11, I would have my period for about 2.5-3 weeks of the month. It was torture. My mom took me to see her gynecologist (a male.. which absolutely terrified me at that young age) and was put on birth control for regulation. Surprise surprise, it worked! Yay!
The main thing that I want you to have taken from the story at this point is that as an 11-year-old, I was not taking birth control for controlling birth. I think that goes without saying, but in this day and age you need to spell out the simplest things if you're trying to make a point. I was taking birth control purely for regulation purposes. I was not a sexually active 11-year-old.
Let's continue this story, shall we?
I continued to take birth control until just before I turned 17 when it made me really sick. (I had skipped a few pills while I was traveling in Ireland and took them all to catch up, which left me sick and in bed for an entire day. I ended up missing the Cliffs of Moher, a heartache of mine to this day. I also ended up missing a chamber choir performance which caused heaps of drama regarding who was going to cover my solo.)
For the next five years I agonized over cramps that would leave me unable to think, let alone get out of bed, for days. I had an extremely heavy flow which made me feel unclean, uncomfortable and unhappy. I was also incredibly emotional while on my period. I would cry for no reason, laugh for no reason and, quite frankly, become a massive bitch for no reason. I had little to no control over my emotions, and my emotions were always at the extreme end of the spectrum. Luckily at this point, my period was regular enough that this was happening for about a week each month instead of the 2.5-3 weeks each month that I was experiencing before I started taking birth control in the first place. I was told that I could go back on birth control to help with the flow and the cramps and the emotions, but since becoming so sick that one time, just the thought of taking a birth control pill legitimately made me feel ill.
During this time, traveling was miserable, school was miserable (especially exams and forcing myself to focus enough to study), work was miserable, walking around campus was miserable, sitting in a car for extended periods of time was miserable. Pretty much everything was miserable when the cramps hit. I forced myself through with pain killers taken every 4 hours on the dot. (To be honest, I probably over-medicated a bit just to be sure that the effect never wore off. I would be numb from painkillers for about a week straight every month. Think first about what I was probably doing to my stomach lining. Then think about how expensive that can get and how quickly.)
At the age of 22 I got really sick of turning into House once a month. I decided to force myself back on the pill.
Now let me quickly paint a picture for you regarding where I was in my life at that point. I had a serious boyfriend of about a year. We were doing long distance (USA to NZ), so no sex. The purpose of birth control, again, was not to control birth. Birth control was legitimately going to improve my life. It was going to allow me to function like a normal human being. It was going to allow me to not check the clock numerous times each day to make sure I take my next pain killer in time. It was going to allow me to not worry about having such a heavy flow that I need to change my pad/tampon every other hour. (Yes, it got that bad.)
It took a few weeks before I was able to take the pill each night without feeling the urge to gag, but it was all worth it the first time I got my period while back on the pill. It was 4 days long, it was light, and I only had minor cramps the first day. It was a fucking miracle!
To this day, I get the occasional cramps at the beginning of my period each month, and like many long-time birth control users I spot every now and then. And I still get slightly emotional, but it can be remedied pretty easily with some chocolate and cuddles. Small price to pay if you ask me.
I can't imagine functioning without this magical little pill that I take every night before bed. I can't knowingly put myself in that kind of pain again. I can't knowingly force the people around me to deal with my heightened (and honestly, ridiculous) emotions every month. I can't do it now that I know how much better it can be. I can't go back to that life.
End story.
Now here's the thing. There are some fabulous reasons to take the pill other than contraception.
Please try telling any woman who suffers from any of these that she should be denied access to birth control pills. Well, a lot of people actually do that, so let me rephrase: Please try telling any woman who suffers from any of these that she should be denied access to birth control pills without sounding uneducated, inexperienced and close-minded.
Many women around the world rely on birth control pills to function, myself included.
Some women rely on birth control pills to have the option of someday becoming pregnant! Bet you didn't see that one coming!
Now if these women are also using the pill to control birth means absolutely nothing! Regardless of if these woman rely on the pill for contraception, they are receiving so many other benefits that are unparalleled! Why does one tiny little benefit (which the pill happens to be named after, which is why people forget that it can do so much more) have to negate all of the wonderful things that oral birth control pills are doing for women around the world?
(Would people still freak out if we called it the Bloat Control Pill? How about the Cramp Control Pill? Bitch Control Pill?)
And you know what? Is it your business what anyone other than you does to their own body? NO! (With the exception of notifying the necessary contacts if someone is hurting themself, planning on hurting themself or being hurt.) So even if a woman is taking birth control for the sole purpose of contraception, that is not your concern! You have no right to say anything to her, to judge her, or to try and tell her that she shouldn't have the right to do what she does to her own body.
Would you stigmatize a person for taking cough medicine because they have a cough? How about a person for taking blood thinners because they've had a stroke? Or maybe a person for taking allergy pills because they have allergies?
How about a man for using condoms?
Let me tell you a story.
When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I got my period for the first time. It was pretty shitty. I mean, at that age you haven't really been told anything about your body growing up and maturing and "becoming a woman." In fact, that was two years before my school taught us anything about sexual education and development.
What most women know is that when you first get your period, it's kind of irregular and strange. It's not the typical 'about a week long' once a month. Sometimes you get it once and then you don't get it again for a few months, or even a year.
By the time I was 11, I would have my period for about 2.5-3 weeks of the month. It was torture. My mom took me to see her gynecologist (a male.. which absolutely terrified me at that young age) and was put on birth control for regulation. Surprise surprise, it worked! Yay!
The main thing that I want you to have taken from the story at this point is that as an 11-year-old, I was not taking birth control for controlling birth. I think that goes without saying, but in this day and age you need to spell out the simplest things if you're trying to make a point. I was taking birth control purely for regulation purposes. I was not a sexually active 11-year-old.
Let's continue this story, shall we?
I continued to take birth control until just before I turned 17 when it made me really sick. (I had skipped a few pills while I was traveling in Ireland and took them all to catch up, which left me sick and in bed for an entire day. I ended up missing the Cliffs of Moher, a heartache of mine to this day. I also ended up missing a chamber choir performance which caused heaps of drama regarding who was going to cover my solo.)
For the next five years I agonized over cramps that would leave me unable to think, let alone get out of bed, for days. I had an extremely heavy flow which made me feel unclean, uncomfortable and unhappy. I was also incredibly emotional while on my period. I would cry for no reason, laugh for no reason and, quite frankly, become a massive bitch for no reason. I had little to no control over my emotions, and my emotions were always at the extreme end of the spectrum. Luckily at this point, my period was regular enough that this was happening for about a week each month instead of the 2.5-3 weeks each month that I was experiencing before I started taking birth control in the first place. I was told that I could go back on birth control to help with the flow and the cramps and the emotions, but since becoming so sick that one time, just the thought of taking a birth control pill legitimately made me feel ill.
During this time, traveling was miserable, school was miserable (especially exams and forcing myself to focus enough to study), work was miserable, walking around campus was miserable, sitting in a car for extended periods of time was miserable. Pretty much everything was miserable when the cramps hit. I forced myself through with pain killers taken every 4 hours on the dot. (To be honest, I probably over-medicated a bit just to be sure that the effect never wore off. I would be numb from painkillers for about a week straight every month. Think first about what I was probably doing to my stomach lining. Then think about how expensive that can get and how quickly.)
At the age of 22 I got really sick of turning into House once a month. I decided to force myself back on the pill.
Now let me quickly paint a picture for you regarding where I was in my life at that point. I had a serious boyfriend of about a year. We were doing long distance (USA to NZ), so no sex. The purpose of birth control, again, was not to control birth. Birth control was legitimately going to improve my life. It was going to allow me to function like a normal human being. It was going to allow me to not check the clock numerous times each day to make sure I take my next pain killer in time. It was going to allow me to not worry about having such a heavy flow that I need to change my pad/tampon every other hour. (Yes, it got that bad.)
It took a few weeks before I was able to take the pill each night without feeling the urge to gag, but it was all worth it the first time I got my period while back on the pill. It was 4 days long, it was light, and I only had minor cramps the first day. It was a fucking miracle!
To this day, I get the occasional cramps at the beginning of my period each month, and like many long-time birth control users I spot every now and then. And I still get slightly emotional, but it can be remedied pretty easily with some chocolate and cuddles. Small price to pay if you ask me.
I can't imagine functioning without this magical little pill that I take every night before bed. I can't knowingly put myself in that kind of pain again. I can't knowingly force the people around me to deal with my heightened (and honestly, ridiculous) emotions every month. I can't do it now that I know how much better it can be. I can't go back to that life.
End story.
Now here's the thing. There are some fabulous reasons to take the pill other than contraception.
- Regulation of period. Probably most common for younger women whose bodies are still getting used to being a woman.
- Clearing up acne. Another common use for women in their teens and early 20's.
- Decrease menstrual cramps. Not every woman gets cramps, but the ones who do understand how big of a life-changer this can be.
- Lighter flow. Again, not every woman has a heavy flow, but the ones who do understand how draining it is to always be worrying if they've started leaking.
- Decreased PMS symptoms. This reaches far beyond the stereotype of a woman who gets bitchy and impossible to please. Some women have very sore breasts during their period. Some women bloat and take on a lot of water weight. Some women cry. And, yes, some women get bitchy. (Which honestly could be related to cramps as well. You try being nice and cheery when your insides are contorting themselves.)
- Relief from Endometriosis. As if having your period isn't bad enough, some women's bodies actually allow uterine lining cells to grow outside of the uterus. This can be extremely painful, can effect the enjoyment of sex, can result in painful urination, and can even render a woman infertile!
Please try telling any woman who suffers from any of these that she should be denied access to birth control pills. Well, a lot of people actually do that, so let me rephrase: Please try telling any woman who suffers from any of these that she should be denied access to birth control pills without sounding uneducated, inexperienced and close-minded.
Many women around the world rely on birth control pills to function, myself included.
Some women rely on birth control pills to have the option of someday becoming pregnant! Bet you didn't see that one coming!
Now if these women are also using the pill to control birth means absolutely nothing! Regardless of if these woman rely on the pill for contraception, they are receiving so many other benefits that are unparalleled! Why does one tiny little benefit (which the pill happens to be named after, which is why people forget that it can do so much more) have to negate all of the wonderful things that oral birth control pills are doing for women around the world?
(Would people still freak out if we called it the Bloat Control Pill? How about the Cramp Control Pill? Bitch Control Pill?)
And you know what? Is it your business what anyone other than you does to their own body? NO! (With the exception of notifying the necessary contacts if someone is hurting themself, planning on hurting themself or being hurt.) So even if a woman is taking birth control for the sole purpose of contraception, that is not your concern! You have no right to say anything to her, to judge her, or to try and tell her that she shouldn't have the right to do what she does to her own body.
Would you stigmatize a person for taking cough medicine because they have a cough? How about a person for taking blood thinners because they've had a stroke? Or maybe a person for taking allergy pills because they have allergies?
How about a man for using condoms?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)