A somewhat large amount of cleaning needs to be done in my room. Not really a large amount, just large in relation to how I tend to keep this room. However, I have been feeling quite ill since Friday and I thought that my time and strength would best be spent in bed composing a blog post.
A friend of mine asked me today to tell her about Nerdfighteria. I've been telling her about how wonderful this community is for months. It really is a perfect fit for her as she adores Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, science fiction, and video games. I must have sent her about twenty links to youtube channels and videos in response to her recent request.
But that's not what I'm here to talk about today.
I despise the stereotype that boys and girls can't be just friends. It drives me crazy. Probably because it is true to some extent.
I like friends very much. I like to meet new people and I like to be friendly. I've been told that I am a bit of a flirt, though I honestly don't do so intentionally. (Most of my friends that know me probably wont agree with that last statement, but it is true.) I really just am incredibly friendly and my friendliness is often what is misinterpreted as flirtatiousness. Now I have some male friends with whom that is perfectly fine. Unfortunately that isn't quite the case all the time.
I recently made a new friend. We work together and live in the same apartment complex so we tend to walk to work and home together. No one likes to walk in silence, so we talk while we journey across campus. This all turned out to be good and fine until one night he asked for my phone number. He said it was so we could communicate to walk to work together when our shifts start at the same time. Once I gave it to him and we parted to our apartments, he texted me asking if I wanted to do homework with him the following day. We don't have any classes together, but I've just sat and done homework with friends in the past so I said yes. He came over and we hung out and did homework. My roommates were in and out. When he left, they kept saying how he liked me. I chose to ignore this, partly because I'm not interested in him in that way, and partially because I didn't want to think that we couldn't just be friends and that there had to be some other level to the relationship.
The following Friday I was asked out to a movie by him. When I declined by saying that I had plans with my roommates, he asked if I wanted to go iceskating on Sunday before work, which I also declined due to my large amount of homework.
I think it's safe to say that I can no longer ignore the fact that this kid wants to date me...
But what am I supposed to do? How do you tell someone that you're not interested? How do you tell someone that they are an awesome person and you enjoy hanging out with them, but you don't wish to pursue anything further? How do you make an effort to be friends with someone without every effort you make being read as a hint or advance?
That is what I need to figure out, because I kind of need to let him know that he shouldn't be chasing me.
I have established that I am more than happy with my current emotional state. I feel comfortable, accepted, happy, confident, and productive. I don't need a relationship with this boy to better my current state of being. I don't want one.
Part of this conclusion was reached by a recent discovery of mine. I've realized that I'm most likely not going to find my husband at this university. I'm only here for eight more months before I'm thrown into the real world. I don't know where I'll be living, if I'll be enrolled in a graduate program, or if I'll be working full-time. I have some big decisions in the coming months of my life. I don't need someone in my life who may try to influence some of those choices in any particular direction for any reason other than my best interest.
(I'm very against my life being run by other people. Especially those with whom I am in a relationship. This is entirely due to having once been ruled over by a significant other. I didn't like myself then. I refuse to be like that again.)
Long story short: How can I kindly tell a friend that I view him as only a friend? And how can I continue being friendly without him reading more into my actions?
Actually, let's generalize that last one. How can I be friendly and engaging and meet new people without anyone reading into my actions? Or is it that impossible to shake the stereotype that boys and girls can't be just friends?
And with that, I'm off to fight this cold in my sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I can stop feeling not-some. I'm sick of being sick!
Currently playing on my iPod: The World Is Mine - Alex Day
When I say this I mean the whole album, not just that particular song.
I adore Alex's musical style and his voice. They are incredible and they go hand in hand. However the things about Alex's music that get me the most are his lyrics. They are just so good! They are relevant to life (at least to mine they are to an accuracy that is worthy of goosebumps) and they flow with the music so well. His lyrics are pure poetry simply put to music. Music is the most meaningful when all of the parts stand on their own. Alex's music is beautiful and his lyrics are profound. When they come together, they make an album that both disappoints and excites you when it's over. Disappoints because it's over. Excites because you get to listen to it again.
