and may your dreams be realized

Hello friend,

My exams are over. They've actually been over for 6 days now. I just can't catch a break and am still incredibly busy.

I survived the two weeks relatively unscathed. I got A's for both parts of my Italian exam as well as my Calculus exam, A-'s for my French Literature and Culture exam as well as my Chemistry exam. The only exam grades I am less-than-ecstatic about are my Lab Practical and Midterm for my Lab in Physiological Psychology. Bombed. It happens. The timing of the exam among all my others was the worst, plus it was also, by far, the hardest of the exams I took. Oh well. I now know what to expect in the future. Not too much harm done.

I wanted to write sooner, but I couldn't think of what to really write about. I'm sure no one in interested in how I did on my exams.

What I did do, which I think you may be interested in, as a bit of a reward was fit in a bit of leisure reading. I decided to read Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins. I've been wanting to read it for a very long time, so it's about time I do so.

This book is, as expected, incredible. It is romantic, funny, sad, beautiful. The writing in it is fantastic switching seamlessly from witty to descriptive. (Also know, I can only handle so much description. That happens to be the reason why I no longer read Dickens. A door knocker should not take two pages to describe.) Stephanie describes everything in the book perfectly. I want, more than almost anything, to go back to Paris and see it the way she describes it.

But this is not meant to be a book review. This is about my thoughts upon finishing the book.

Usually, when I read a book with a happy ending, I tend to be a tad more cynical than your average reader. I can't help but think, how long do the characters stay happy? How long do they stay together before another fight breaks out, or before something tragic happens? What are the chances that the largest portion of the drama in these character's lives happens to be within the time frame of page one and page x? It's not very likely.

But for the first time in a while, I close the book and set it down with a different frame of mind. It has nothing to do with the characters themselves. They are no more in love with each other than other characters in other books. They haven't gone through a more trying obstacle that declares that they must be together forever since they survived. They don't deserve it more than anyone else.

I leave this book with a different frame of mind because of a change in myself.

I've heard people say that this book has renewed their faith in love. This book didn't renew my faith in love. It just reflected my newly renewed faith in love.

I now believe, and this was so before picking up this book, that love can survive anything. That the drama in a character's story can end eventually. That at some point, people can live happily ever after.

That's a nice thought isn't it? That someday we all have the potential to fall in love and wake up happy every single morning. That someday we will smile at the thought of loving somebody, and at the thought of being loved. That's something worth believing in.

I have been very unable to sleep tonight.

I'm not sure if it's the DSPS, or the bit of tea I had at around 23:00, or possibly the billions of thoughts swimming in my head, or maybe it was the fate of me needing to finish this book that kept my eyes opened. Maybe it's the lack of someone next to me. It's hard to fall asleep in an empty bed when you feel so small and alone in it by yourself.

Either way, I am awake and I am happy. This book has made me smile more than a book has in a while, and in a very different way at that. Maybe it is the sheer fact that I am a romantic and a complete sucker for anything of the romantic genre. Maybe because I see the characters as people rather than just a figment of the imagination. Maybe because I believe, for once, that a couple in a book wont break up the minute I read the final page. I can't describe it. But I like it.

Sorry if this post has made very little sense. Please be aware that I am writing it having not slept in about 23 hours.

Currently playing on my iPod: Pocket Vinyl

I recently discovered this band at a Wrock show. They are not Wrock. But they are incredible. There's nothing sexier than a pianist. Add to it, piano rock, full instrumentation background, incredible lyrics, fantastic harmonies, and improvised artwork. Please look them up. Words I use to describe their music and their ability as performers will not do them justice. They are truly one of a kind, and worth recognition.

any day could be the last

Hi friend.

I know I just said that I will be updating this more often. That was a lie.

I will be taking a social network hiatus for the next 2 weeks. I have 7 exams, plus a paper due, plus tons of homework, all within the next 16 days. I've already rescheduled my GRE to a later date so that I don't need to take it amongst all of my other exams. (I'm a tad terrified about doing so, as now I will only be able to take it once, so I better make it count if I want to get into graduate school.)

My roommate will be changing my facebook password tomorrow so that I can't use it as a distraction. I will also not be uploading onto YouTube until the Friday of my last exam (October 21).

My time on other social networking sites will be limited as well (though I may post a twitter update occasionally just to let everyone know that I am still, in fact, alive). Unfortunately, as will my time on Skype and iChat.

I hope all my friends understand. My schoolwork really just needs to come first right now.

Tomorrow, I will be planning out pretty much every day down to the hour until October 21st at 5:30PM. Even then I'll have to resume studying for the GREs.

So everyone have a nice life for the next two weeks. I'll see you again when I emerge from the ashes.

Currently playing on my iPod: The World is Mine by Alex Day

I needed some chill music. I spent a lot of time crying today from stress. Something tells me that will be a recurring theme until these two weeks are over..

his hands are busy working overtime

Hello friend.

I'm so busy it's disgusting.

And of course I'm writing a blog.

Shush. I need to de-frag a bit before I start treading through the work that is currently drowning me.

Usually this work-load wouldn't really get to me. However, there are two things that are currently eating away at me that I normally don't need to deal with.

1. My writing intensive class

2. GREs

My writing intensive class is very writing intensive. I was expecting that to be the case. That's not what's worrying me. What worries me is what the teacher tells me (and the whole class for that matter) about my (our) writing skills. Every paper that I hand in comes back with so many markings on it, it's a bit ridiculous.

I understand that the writing skills of my generation are severely lacking. I remember in high school, our teachers tried to teach us basic grammar. They always said they would and they never did a full unit on it. We're paying for it now.

My professor says that my main issues are in organizing my paper in the most persuasive and flow-inducing way. I've always known I had an issue with that, but I never thought it was as intense as she has kind of made it out to be.

It just scares me. I'm supposed to be applying to get into graduate programs right now. I am, now more than ever, terrified that I can't get in. That I don't have adequate enough writing skills to get into my program. It's a terrifying thought. And this course is just so intimidating. I know in the end it will be worth it and I will be in a much better place with my writing. It's just such a difficult process to get there.

GREs are a little terrifying as well. I know that graduate schools look at more than just GRE test scores like GPA and letters of recommendation and interviews and all that jazz. But I don't want to rely on that and hope that they'll overlook low GRE scores. I need to do well on them. I don't want to give schools any reason to not accept me.

It's just kind of a big deal, and I'm kind of terrified.

Graduation is also really terrifying. As is the real world.

But I'm not going to talk about that today. I have enough on my plate and don't have the time to get into those giant fears of mine at the moment.

Currently playing on my iPod: Jet Lag by Simple Plan featuring Natasha Bedingfield

I've been listening to a lot of Simple Plan again lately. The thing that I like about them is that their new stuff is still really fantastic. It's refreshing to find a band that will stay true to themselves and their music identity.

an alignment to cry

Hello friend.

I cried myself to sleep last night.

You know that feeling when you just need something? Well, you don't actually need something. I mean, you're not going to die without it. It's not like your body is slowly dying and you need medicine. It's not like you are physically debilitated in any way.

But emotionally... that's another story.

You just feel so torn up without it. It's this pain and agony that eat away at you. A longing that you just cannot control. A craving that you cannot satiate.

That's almost worse though, isn't it? Something that puts you into so much pain but will never actually kill you.

I'm sure I'll be alright. I just sometimes get overwhelmingly sad still. I think I always will have that possibility. I don't think there's a way to escape it sometimes.

Last night was an outlier. It was bad. I let dark thoughts take over. Dark untrue thoughts. I hate that I did that. I really am sure that this will all be alright. I know that my sadness is only temporary. I know how this story is going to end, and I love it. I look forward to it. I dream about it and smile at the thought. It's just a matter of getting there.

Currently playing on my iPod: Mumford & Sons

Love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you. It will set you free.